Cupid Wears Green and Black
by MrDrP
Summary: When Kim and Ron's romance runs into some rough waters, they receive help from a most unlikely source ... [COMPLETE]


Thanks to campy and mattb3671 for beta-reading this and to campy for proofing.

If you saw it on _KP_, it belongs to Disney.

* * *

I. 

"So, Princess, where's the buffoon? You finally lose him?" Shego said snidely as she threw a side kick.

Much to her surprise, she caught Kim right in the gut.

The auburn-haired hero went down. And she didn't get up. Instead, she sat there, her head in her hands.

_Okay, this is way too weird for me,_ Shego thought.

"Yo, Kimmie! C'mon, get up, now! I'm not done cleaning the floor with you."

Kim ignored Shego and stayed seated on the cold concrete surface. Shego could swear that Kim had begun sniffling.

_Oh, geez, what the heck is going on?_ the glamorous henchwoman wondered.

Shego, curious, knelt by Kim, who had now begun crying. "Okay, Pumpkin, what's going on?" she asked sharply. "And where _is_ the sidekick anyway?"

"I lost him," Kim answered between sobs. "I had him and I lost him."

"Whoa," Shego said. "You're not making sense; that's Dr. D's department. Where'd you lose him?"

"It's not where, it's how. I, I did something ferociously stupid."

Shego's attention was fully engaged. "Stupid" was a not a word she usually associated with Kim Possible. Annoying. Sanctimonious. Perky. But not stupid. She waited for Kim to speak.

Kim's tear-streaked face was a study in misery. "I so don't know why I did it. But, well, I'm at GCU and Ron's at Middleton Community and he hadn't been able to come see me for what seemed like forever so I went to a party with some of the other members of the cheer squad and there was this guy – a senior, great hair, student council president, baseball team – and he'd been flirting with me for a while and, and I began to talk to him and then we were in a corner …"

"And Stoppable showed up," Shego offered, concluding Kim's run-on, rapid-fire sentence.

"Yeah," Kim said, despondent. "He came all the way from Middleton to Go City in the middle of a blizzard, just to see me. When Ron found us, Adam had his hand on my butt and his tongue in my mouth and …"

Shego had always seen her foe as a competent professional; apparently neither word could be applied to Kim's ability to manage her romantic life. Of course, Shego realized, this was the girl whose emotions Drakken was able to manipulate with a sack of synthogoo. "Princess, you really are an idiot, aren't you?" Shego asked, unable to contain her surprise.

Kim nodded.

"Why'd you do it? You grow tired of the loser? I could see that …"

"NO! And don't you ever call him that again," Kim roared, glaring at Shego through teary eyes. "I love Ron. I love him so much. It was the only time I ever did something like that. I don't know if it was because I was feeling lonely or that I'd had some beer …"

Shego tried imagining Kim Possible illegally drinking booze. She was having difficulty processing the idea and gave up.

"… or I was still angry with him for not doing better in high school so we could go to college together or what. I didn't even enjoy kissing the guy or being touched by him. It was so gorchy." Kim looked up at Shego, her eyes red and puffy from crying. "Shego, I was so stupid and I hurt him. My best friend and my boyfriend and I did something that …"

"I would do?" Shego asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"No," Kim confessed. "I was actually thinking of Bonnie Rockwaller."

Shego wondered who this Rockwaller was. _She must be pretty evil. So why haven't I heard of her? I'd better check Villains Dot Com after the Princess and I finish our little girl talk._

"Uh, Kimmie, you may be annoying, but you're usually kind of smart. You think to tell him any of this? I mean, if you saw him seeing you lip smacking this other guy, why didn't you just stop and try to make nice-nice?"

Kim sighed. "I didn't see him there. I didn't even know he was at the party until later the next day, when I called him. Before I could even say hello, he told me he'd come to Go City the night before, didn't find me at my room, had Wade use my Kimmunicator to track me down so he could surprise me but instead he was the one who was surprised because of what he saw and how it was like having a knife stuck in his heart so he just turned around and left so I could be with my hottie ..."

Kim was once again talking at a staccato pace; Shego interjected, "Whoa, slow down, Princess, and come up for some air!"

"Shego, he yelled at me," Kim said plaintively. "We've known each other since we were in pre-K and I've so done some things that were yell-worthy, but he never yelled at me. Ever! Now he won't even talk to me. He must hate me and I don't blame him. I'm a good-for-nothing cheater. Kim Possible. She can do anything. Even rip her boyfriend's heart out and stomp on it."

Shego looked at her long-time rival, whose shoulders sagged. Kim appeared defeated, lost, like she was ready to just give up. _I like this. Kimmie's personal life is as messed up as one of Dr. D's plots. This could be good for business. She won't be able to focus. Yeah, I can work with this_, the villain thought.

Then Shego had an epiphany.

_Wait a minute. If I defeat Princess when she's like this, will it really count? I mean, it'll be like all those steroid-driven home runs. There'll be an asterisk next to my win. They'll say I could only beat Kim Possible because she was an emotional wreck. Great. I can see it now. Duff Killigan prattling on about how the only way I could defeat the wee lassie was when she was a basket case. Monkey Fist in his oh-so-superior tones saying that a true monkey master wouldn't have needed Kimmie to have a breakdown to beat her. Señor Senior saying that my win was a violation of some stupid villain code rule. Oh, and Dr. D. I just know he'll have something sarcastic to say._

Shego looked over at Kim, who was staring blankly at her shoes, fiddling with the laces. She came to a conclusion. It made her stomach churn, but there was no alternative. She wanted a clear-cut, unquestionable victory over the Princess. No asterisks. No questions. No room for snide remarks questioning her achievement.

To do that she had to get Kim back in the game.

And that meant getting Kim back with Stoppable.

II.

Ron was asleep in his room. He'd decided to live at home while he attended classes at Middleton Community College so he could save money for an engagement ring for Kim. He'd planned to pop the question at Christmas in three weeks, but that dream had died in a frat house in Go City.

He heard neither the window slide open nor the black-and-green clad figure slip in. He was completely surprised when he woke up to find Shego straddling him, her hand covering his mouth. There was a time when he would have found this cool; Ron was a healthy young man with an active fantasy life, which could easily accommodate being taken by a beautiful villainess. But right now, he found Shego's presence atop him disorienting and unpleasant. The only woman he wanted straddling him was Kim and, well, better not to think of _her_ like that anymore.

"Okay, sidekick, here's the deal," Shego hissed. "You and I are going to talk. You are not going to call for help, you are not going to run. If you try anything, the mole rat gets it. Got it?" she said, her hand aglow, pointing towards Rufus.

Ron looked over to his bureau see an anxious Rufus trussed up.

Ron readily nodded his agreement.

"Now, what's going on with you and Possible?" Shego asked.

"Oh, great," Ron rolled his eyes. "You here to gloat? Hear how the loser had his heart broken?"

"No, I'm here to figure out if the loser is willing to stop being a loser," Shego snapped.

"Huh?" Ron responded, confused.

"You know she loves you."

"Shego, she was …"

"Yeah, I know what she was doing."

"What do you mean you know? Do you have an invisible spy camera? I mean that would be kind of cool, but really wrong, but you are a bad …"

"Doy! She told me," she said, spitting out the words.

"She what?" he said incredulously.

Shego found herself wanting to hyperventilate. She wondered how Kim could put up with this guy. Though she had to admit his ears were kind of cute. _Aaargh! What the heck am I thinking?_

"I said she told me, buffoon," she snarled.

"Hey, you don't have to call me names. When?"

Shego was tempted to mess with Ron's head and tell him that she had met Kim for drinks, but that wouldn't help her achieve her goal.

"Earlier tonight. In a warehouse. We were fighting and I noticed you weren't there. I made a crack about her losing you and next thing I know Miss Kung Fu was bawling like a baby."

Ron tensed. As angry as he was with Kim, he didn't like the idea of her being in danger. And he was dumbfounded. He knew what he saw. Yet she was telling Shego she loved him. _Maybe Shego's trying to play me. But why?_ he wondered.

"She's crazy about you, Stoppable. She made a really big mistake and she knows it. It's tearing her up inside. Why not talk, give her another chance?"

"Why, so she can …," Ron began to choke up, then barely recovered, "… cheat …" how he hated saying that word but, still, he knew what he saw! "… on me again?"

"Look, you doofus. Maybe if you'd spent less time with your rodent looking for snacks and more time working in school, you'd be in Go City with Princess and she wouldn't have been feeling lonely and upset and ready to do something stupid."

Ron looked defensive. "That doesn't make what she did right."

"No, it doesn't," Shego said. "Okay, you're bitter and feeling betrayed. Well, get with the program, Stoppable. Kimmie isn't perfect. She's immature about some things. She messed up. She knows it. You happy knowing you're both miserable? I doubt it."

"Look, it's not that easy …" Ron protested.

"Sure it is," Shego retorted. "You pick up the phone. You call her and say, 'Princess, let's talk' then you go see some counselor or that rabbi I saw you guys with in Vegas and learn how to put things back together and build a relationship that will last. You two have been together how long and you're going to let one moment of stupidity ruin the rest of your lives? If you love her, forgive her. You don't have to forget, but you can forgive her. It's your call to make, sidekick."

Ron looked thoughtfully at Shego for what seemed an eternity before asking, "Uh, Shego, why are you here? I, uh, mean, why do you even care?"

"Because I want a clean win when I beat her. And I'm gonna beat her. Beat her like a drum. When I walk down the street, I want the Evil Community to say 'Hey, that's Shego, she's the one who finally defeated the mighty Kim Possible.' To do that, I need her in top form. But that won't happen if she's all moopy – argh! I can't believe I said that – and pining away for you," Shego explained. "So stop feeling sorry for yourself and be a man so I can get on with beating Kimmie," she snapped.

Ron looked at Shego for a long while, then closed his eyes.

"I'll think about it. Now please leave me alone," he said wearily. "Oh, and don't forget to untie Rufus before you leave. The little guy can hold a grudge …"

III.

"Kiiiiiiimmmmmm!"

Dementor looked up toward the sound to see the unmistakable form of Ron Stoppable falling in his direction. Before the diminutive scientist could react, Ron had landed on top of him. Dementor's head hit the floor with some force, and he was knocked unconscious.

"Hi, KP," Ron said sheepishly, wearing his trademark goofy grin.

"Ron?" Kim asked, relieved and pleased to see him; missions really were more difficult without a splash of Ron and they definitely weren't fun. "What are you doing here? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're here and everything, but …"

"Uh, I take my sidekick duties seriously?" he suggested.

Kim, not looking convinced, bent down and extended a hand to help Ron to his feet.

An awkward silence enveloped the two heroes.

"So," Kim said, looking at her feet, then at Ron. "Maybe we should get him tied up."

"Sounds like a plan," Ron replied.

Kim and Ron found some rope and trussed up Dementor. Then they alerted Global Justice so the villain could be taken into custody and they could return home.

They had some time before their ride arrived.

Kim looked at Ron and was about to speak when he began talking.

"I called earlier. You weren't in. I thought maybe you were out with that guy." He looked away from Kim, who cringed.

_It's really over_, she thought, tensing. _He really believes I want to be with other guys._

"But then I thought about what you tried to tell me on the phone," Ron continued, "and I thought some more and decided to call Wade thinking maybe you'd gone freak fighting. He filled me in, and, uh, well, here I am."

"So, what's the sitch, then? With … us?" Kim asked in an unusually hesitant voice.

Ron took a deep breath, recalling what Shego had told him. "KP, you hurt me. Bad …"

Kim's eyes began to tear up. "Ron, I am so sor–"

He held up a hand, cutting her off.

"What you and I have is special, KP. Too special for us to let one stupid kiss on your part, or four years of stupid study decisions on my part, ruin. If you'll forgive me, I'd like to, well, you know, still be your boyfriend, maybe someday something more."

Kim stared at Ron gape-mouthed. Ron had not only just said he still wanted to date her but that he wanted to …

"Ron, did you, did you just propose to me?" Kim asked breathlessly.

"Aw man, I can't do anything right," he said, slapping his hand against his forehead. Ron had come to the lair fully prepared to set things right with Kim. He knew he loved her and he wanted them to spend the rest of their lives together. But he hadn't intended on proposing that night. Not without a ring. Not while sitting on the floor of a lair with a villain tied up just a few feet away. _Nice job, Stoppable_, Ron thought.

"I'd love for you to be something more!" Kim practically shrieked as she threw her arms around him. "But only if you'll forgive me. I was such the jerk and I so don't deserve …"

Ron cut off Kim with a kiss. "Why don't we leave the blame game behind, 'kay?"

The two embraced, enjoying each others' presence.

"Well, at least I can thank Dementor for something," Ron said.

"Oh, and what would that be?" Kim asked, a bemused look on her face.

"He gave us a chance to see each other mid-week!" he answered brightly.

Kim smiled. "Yes, he did. But I don't want to count on the bad guys to see you on a Wednesday. I want you with me, by my side, everyday, all week long, forever."

"I know, KP. I feel the same way," he said as he began nuzzling her. It had only been a couple of weeks, but he felt like he'd been separated from Kim for an eternity; the way her body was responding told him she felt similarly. "And I'm working hard so I can transfer to GCU. If I study any harder my head's gonna explode!"

"If it helps, I find the idea of you studying to be very … attractive," she said coquettishly.

Ron wiggled his eyebrows. But then, sounding serious he asked, "KP?"

"Yeah, Ron?"

"If we're going to be something more, do you think we could, well, maybe set up some time with Rabbi Katz soon to talk about being a couple? So, well …"

"I don't do anything ferociously stupid again?"

Ron grinned goofily. "Well, yeah. But me, too."

"I'd like that," Kim leaned her head against her boyfriend's – her fiancé's – shoulder. Then she turned and looked into his eyes. She could tell that there were … things Ron wanted to do with her at that moment. Not surprisingly, she felt the same way. She flashed him a smile that quickly became a leer and leaned in for a kiss.

Then the ranting began. "Ziss is completely UNACCEPTABLE! You cannot DO THIS TO ME! LOYAL HENCHMEN, ATTACK! Henchmen? Henchmen? Vhere are you …"

Kim and Ron rolled their eyes, tapped foreheads, and chuckled, confident that there'd be lots of time for fooling around in the future.

"Ron?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you know what I wanted to say the night I called? I never really got a chance to say anything."

Ron rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah, yeah, about that …" he told her about Shego's visit and her motives. "So, KP, that's the whole naco. You and me are coolio because Shego wants mad props from her villain buds for taking you down."

Kim made a face that Ron was pretty sure he hadn't seen since he, Kim, and Yori were in the monkey house in Arizona and Yori had called Ron a warrior-hero. "This is so not right …" Kim said, frowning, thinking how strange it was that Shego would help her regain her happiness just so she could turn around and hurt her later on. But then Kim looked at Ron and smiled. "… yet I am so not going to complain!" she added as she embraced her new fiancé.

IV.

Ron ran to the doomsday device and began pressing the buttons to release the priming mechanism Kim told him to retrieve.

"How's it going, Bad Boy?" Kim called out, a huge smile on her face as she saw her man in action.

"I'm all over it, KP!" he yelled back, grinning and flashing Kim a thumb's up.

Kim, satisfied that Ron had his part of the mission under control, responded to Shego's latest thrust with a spin kick.

"You're in good form today, Princess," Shego snapped, as she did a back flip to avoid Kim's boot.

"Amazing what a little Ronshine can do for my game!" Kim replied cheerily as she pressed her attack. "And an assist from you. Thanks."

"You're welcome. And don't you ever mention it again," she growled. However, curiosity got the better of Shego. "So, you're sure everything's okay between the two of you?" the henchwoman inquired as she fell back.

"Spankin'!" Kim responded brightly, throwing a punch.

Shego leered. "Really? You spankin' his butt or is he spankin' yours?" the villainess asked as she parried the assault.

Kim's eyes opened wide and her cheeks reddened. She lost her concentration, and as she was in the middle of a kick, she also lost her balance and fell.

Shego looked down at Kim and began to laugh, realizing she'd just struck oil. "Well I'm out of here, Kimmie," she said as she did a flip onto some crates. "Give the butt-oon a love-pat for me!"

Shego then launched herself into Drakken's waiting hovercar. As the craft rose to the opening in the lair's roof, Shego saw Ron run over to Kim, proudly waving the part. Kim, already forgetting her embarrassment, jumped up and gave Ron a deep congratulatory kiss. Soon, her arms were wrapped around his neck, the fingers of one hand playing with his ear, while one of his hands caressed her cheek and the other rested on the small of her back. Shego shook her head and looked on with a wry grin as Kim pressed herself against Ron, as if trying to melt into him.

Shego was pleased to see her adversary back in top form and amused that an off-color remark could rattle Kim; she was going to have to remember to make more snarky comments about Princess' private life when next they met.

And meet again they would.

Because Shego wanted her clean win over Kim Possible and would do whatever it took to get it.

Even play Cupid.


End file.
